it's a wonder love can make the world go round.

i stared at the place where i used to lay in your arms for numerous nights.
i stared blankly into the green covers that was spread throughout the mattress.
it seemed like just yesterday that we were sitting on that bed,
talking about the future, the past, the present.
some months ago, we were both lying down here.
i was laying in your arms as everybody else was under the sandman's spell.
you were off in dreamland, too.
and i was just lying there with your arms wrapped around me,
thinking of how blessed i was to have such a wonderful boy love me the way you did.
i remember thinking how i was ever able to live a day without you,
that i would do anything to make us work,
that i would give up anything to have you in my life.
i remember thinking about our future,
what our wedding would be like,
what our lifestyle would be like.
i remember thinking that people would be envious of us,
because we loved each other unconditionally,
because we were perfect for each other,
because we made sense.

people make mistakes,
and i admit that i've made lots of mistakes in my lifetime.
in this case, i made the mistake of living idealistically rather than realistically.
i made the mistake of hoping you would evolve from being a boy to a man.
i made the mistake of loving you more than i loved myself.
the only right thing to do now is to learn from all these mistakes.
so that in the future,
when i find a man who's perfect for me,
when i find a man that would love me unconditionally,
when the dream of someone else comes true,
i would know better than to screw things up like i've done in the past.
you are just a boy; a great one, for sure, but you aren't mine.
i've accepted that.
i can't wait to fall in love all over again,
but for now, it's time to love myself.
unconditionally.