i can feel the pressure.

my heart's racing. it's going about 41483702984019741 miles per hour. it's not the good kind though. it's the one that makes you feel like you want to throw up and cry at the same time. i hate this feeling. i'm probably going to explode in a while from all this pressure. i'm afraid i can't take it this time. i don't want to go back to being depressed and pathetic. although i probably am already. i'm just not prepared. i wasn't prepared to hear what she had to say. i wasn't prepared for the truth. i can't handle the truth.

i shouldn't have assumed. i guess that was my fault.

but i thought i was over it. i thought i was doing better than i was before. i guess i was fooling myself. or maybe i just forced myself to feel what i wanted to without really feeling it. i fooled myself. i fooled everyone. i honestly thought that i was doing great. i felt great. i stopped thinking of him constantly.

one word. just one word and my heart was broken all over again. just one fuckin word. putangina diba? PUTANGINA. All that hard work for NOTHING. Putangina talaga.

i need a drink. or 10. i need to not feel again. i need to be numb. to pass out. now.

tell me, can you feel the pressure now?